Do you guys ever think about what your life would be like if you’d made different decisions when you were younger and become overwhelmed with grief for the person you could have become
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#i think a lot about if I’d gone to my state university instead of a fancy private one. even though i had a scholarship me n my parents#would have saved a lot of of money. and i might still have college friends instead of net zero college friends. i have friends now who went#to my state school. but most importantly I wouldn’t have met my best friend who i thought was the love of my life and changed the whole#trajectory of my life while I barely affected hers. I probably wouldn’t have gone to spain and I wouldn’t have been a pizza girl dogwalker i#in Boston and I definitely wouldn’t have moved to California. I don’t think i would have been alone so much i was so alone for so much of my#early 20s and i think it made me more interesting but less happy#and I wouldn’t have to live with feeling like i met The One and someone who really understood me and decided she’d prefer not to know me#then again maybe i would have just made a slightly different series of mistakes and ended up in a similar place. which is a duct taped#office chair in a room full of bugs feeling sad and sorry for myself bc i had a dream last night that i ran into my ex and she had had a#baby and didn’t want to talk to me and was disgusted by my presence#but mostly ok and happy and probably giing to be totally over it in another 15-20 years