Anonymous asked:
i have no money.
i have no job.
i have no friends.
and i may lose my home soon. But at least my pussy is ph neutral
become an entrepeneur. turn that into a business. use it as a universal base to test other ph levels. sell that shit to water companies. reap the profits. don’t pay off your house with the money. instead, hire a hitman to kill off the head of your neighborhood’s hoa. have him kidnap the other board members. tell him to leave a ransom note with letters cut out from magazines. you demand from them $10 million, no less, cold hard cash. they have 1 month. 2 weeks later, they manage to get you the money. let the hostages go. before you do, tell them you got only $1 million, and pay them each $100k to shut up. they obey. they think you’re generous. recruit them aa your allies. eventually, flee the country with them. don’t travel to a beautiful island, that’s too obvious. stick mainland, but off the grid. tell them that you have an inheritance, and use another $1 million to build a mansion for all of you. keep everything else cheap. tell them you are thinking of starting a reality show with them- they are going to be stars. contact tlc. have everyone do interviews about the situation. make sure to have them all make up wild background stories beforehand. you have the most wild of all. you were born at sea. your mother was a pirate, and she gave birth to you on her ship one day, as it was being attacked by a US stealth jet for unknown reasons. the ship capcized and you fell into the ocean, but you were carried to shore on an orca’s back. you were raised by some local fishermen who were using their business to money launder, when you one day realized you were a psychic, and an empath. get the show set up- but a week before launch, abruptly leave. leave only a hotmail email address for your friends to contact you. converse weekly. tell them that you had been kidnapped by russian defectors, but that locating you would be dangerous. this is false. travel to sri lanka. become engrossed in the culture. buy a humble house, a humble car, and humble belongings. spend $5 million on a personal pet elephant- not an asian one, but an african one, imported from mozambique. live out your life happy.
your pussy should have an acidic ph btw