Reading my exs blog as a form of self harm
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#not my fault it keeps showing up in my recommendeds#usually i can resist but on dark nights like these#sometimes they reference me in the tags and i get a swift jolt of pain and pleasure#im not Angry anymore but im still bitter. and sad. its been 3 years now im afraid ill feel like this forever#its just! i lost my best friend and major life love in a precipitous and alarming manner? and they just continue living?#and i have continued access into their thoughts and opinions and life afterwards?? humans werent meant to live like this#wish it was wild west days and they could just leave town and get their friend to write me a letter saying theyd been shot by cattle rustler#a clean break... no hard feelings#but the feelings... are hard#i miss them :/