the worst part is that i can’t even tell if this is a joke or not
The new equivalent of the navy seal thing
- JESSE EISENBERG: People on the street say mean things to me.
- INTERVIEWER: Like what?
- JESSE EISENBERG: I get called Napoleon Dynamite because I have curly hair. I live in New York City and I ride a bicycle. I always bike down 9th Avenue and there’s this kid who goes to school there named Abraham. Every time I pass him, he calls me Napoleon Dynamite. He screams it out and his friends laugh. That was a fine movie but I wasn’t in it.
- INTERVIEWER: What do you say back?
- JESSE EISENBERG: I say, “Please, Abraham, I’m not that man.”
This is the greatest knock knock joke in the history of all knock knocks jokes ever told, ever.
(via sempiternus-noctem)
Here’s an actual real thing you can buy for your Kindle.
if you like this one check out the bike that butt fucked me and the bikes that fucked us
(via iwilleatyourenglish)
i fucking schooled my suitemates on the trayvon martin case today
Anonymous asked: please please tag all of your pro lgbt posts and any posts mentioning your female partner. i am really sorry, it just deeply offends me and i really want to keep following you.
if i knew you in real life, i would be really tempted to crawl through your window and take a massive steaming shit in your bed. also i support LGBT+ rights and am engaged to someone of the same sex. i hope it burned you to read that, shitfuck
Julie: “One time this guy liked my sweater”
remember kids
if there are no witnesses,
if there’s no evidence,
if there’s no body,
there’s no crimequirkybrittany did you just kill someone
It’s always a good time at quirkybrittany. Follow her for a peasant and hipster-free blogging experience ♒(★‿★)♒!
(via blessphemy)
People need to learn that when someone marries a dakimakura they’re not marrying the pillow itself, they’re marrying the character on the pillow and the pillow is just there to act as a physical medium to bring the 2D character to our world of 3D.
Still a tad creepy, sorry…
Wooow. Way to be a fucking bigot about who someone can love.
(via durbikins)
I tried this on a female before.
She took the bottom-middle donut that says “GIRL” and handed the box back to me, leaving me with 5 donuts that read “Will you be my friend?”
*tips fedora in shame* friendzoned again by another succubus
this story makes me laugh and cry
how the hell do you cancel a show like this
(via degenerate-perturbation)