anyone who says money can’t buy love has never tried giving me large sums of money
im rly glad i don’t have the power to set people on fire with my mind because I would definitely overuse that ability
message me off anon if u know any good assassins
talking to new people is terrifying bc afterwards im like what if they thought I was serious
i ooze sex appeal & it’s disgusting. also slippery
*types out full ellipses, then backspaces one period* don’t wanna look too committed..
Why do boys try to chat you up when you’re in line for the bathroom at parties? Like I’m here to pee not meet hot singles in my area
Remember kids, alcohol is poison. But like a cool poison that makes you happy & gives your life meaning
Love being awake to experience the drunk –> hungover transition
*person talking about cute boys* me: ok but have you ever seen a dog
Can someone explain the relationship between grapes and raisins to me? I know there’s something going on there… just not sure what it is
me @ 8:30 am after spending the entire night not starting on the paper that’s due this afternoon: would this be a good time to start semi-ironically photoshopping princess twilight sparkle into pictures of me?
me @ 8:35 am:
Captain, wait! I’m the one who should be crunchetized