6 Things That Could’ve Turned Out Differently In 2016 If King Kong Were Real And On The Side Of The Common Man
There’s an undeniable nobility to King Kong, in whose mighty breast beats a hero’s heart. But if he were real, and if he were a true champion of the little guy, what might have gone differently this year?
1. The Flint water crisis: A real, live, conscientious King Kong would have shaken the heavens and torn up the Earth to bring clean drinking water to the people of Flint, MI. What would be a significant public works project for mankind would be child’s play for Skull Island’s favorite son, who could rip Flint’s dangerously corroded pipes out of the ground as easily as pulling carrots and carve up furrows to funnel safe drinking water from Detroit. Unfortunately, as King Kong is only in movies, Flint’s crisis continues.
2. The Dakota Access pipeline protests: With a flesh-and-blood King Kong on their side, the Sioux would have had nothing to fear. There’s no way in hell that Morton County law enforcement would have committed such callous brutality against the Standing Rock protestors once they caught sight of the mighty Kong towering alongside the Sioux water protectors. And if they’d tried, King Kong’s immense hide would have shielded the protestors from water cannons, rubber bullets, pepper spray, and concussion grenades, though in keeping with the spirit of peaceful protest, he’d never retaliate, except maybe to toss a few squad cars around.