ON TODAY’S EDITION OF NEXT LEVEL SHIT THAT LIVES IN THE OCEAN
Frilled Shark: Chlamydoselachus anguineus
These are fairly uncommon sharks of the order Hexanchiformes, meaning that their closest living relatives are cow sharks (there’s currently speculation in the scientific community upon whether or not frilled sharks should be moved into their own separate order).
Frilled sharks are primitive. How primitive? Primitive as balls. Sensationalists refer to them as “living fossils”, but I prefer to think of them as having won the game of life for hundreds of millions of years. These motherfuckers were most likely alive before Tyrannosaurs ever walked the earth and they’re still fucking here. For some perspective, the earliest hominids arose about 4.5 million years ago. Frilled sharks have about 180 million years on us.
Their mouths are terminal, a really unusual characteristic in modern sharks—only a few other extant species share this trait. Frilled sharks are also thought to have a gestation period of 3.5 years; if true, this would be the longest known gestation period of all vertebrates.
These guys are thought by some to be the origin of the sea serpent myth—their specific epithet, anguineus, is derived from the Latin word for “snakelike”.
Their teeth are the biological personification of that feeling you get when you stick your finger into the straw opening of a drink cup or the opening of a wet wipe dispenser and you realize you’ve fucked up worse than anyone else ever has.
Sharks are so damn cool.
