FINALLY, WE CAN TENTACLIZE THE CLOUDS THEMSELVES! 

and now I found the “realistic torture/execution devices for dolls” section. 

aliexpress is seriously the best place to look at sex toys because they can’t show nudity so they have to finding other ways to show off the use of the toys.

This results in a LOT of abused food, which is always hilarious. 

that’s not what I was searching for and frankly at this point I can’t really remember what I was searching for 

oh baby, slide into my chrysanthemum for some novel gameplay!

one of my favorite things is when they decide to give you the whole hard sell.

instead of just being like “hey this is a good sex toy”, they instead try to explain why you’d even need a sex toy, from first principles. and that principle is usually “your boyfriend/husband sucks”. or doesn’t, I guess. 

they always end up looking like a r/wheredidthesodago commercial for lesbianism

so the sound of this sex toy is between a flower and a clock! 

wait, a flower? do… do flowers make sounds? 

I’ve posted about the Hammer Sex Toy before, but it turns out it’s not alone. There’s also… 

THE WRENCH! 

now that is a fucking slogan

one of my favorite things is that when they’re showing off that sex toys have a bluetooth+internet thing so people can control them remotely, they always show a world map and two points labeled with city names and they’re ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE NEAR THE ACTUAL CITIES. 

sex toy or vulcan starship? 

OH MEHR SPIELMÖGLICHKEITEN! 

this will give you the biggest orgasm of your life, but your mother will die. Oh well, there’s other parents.