Right before the tiger catches me I jump up and down and shake myself real hard so when he bites into my flesh my carbonated blood sprays everywhere and drenches him in a huge mess and then there’s only like two thirds of my blood and muscles left afterwards.
Tiger covered in fizzy blood walking back past all his friends and they’re like, “Uh. What happened to you? Did you get her?”
And he just goes “Shut the fuck up, I don’t wanna talk about it.”
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