some type of adult girl

cheddar-baby:

my parents named me “street meats” on account of they found me running a sous vide pork stand downtown when i was an infant. I was known as “the wettest hands in the west” because of my no utensils technique. I’d cook those bad boys for 35 hours straight until all there was left was a thin transparent membrane. People would line up for miles to even get a whiff of my meats, i lived as a king for 10 golden years until i got my liquor license revoked for serving “the blindsider” which was made of isopropyl alcohol, malört, and zippo lighter fluid. Retirement isnt too bad though i get to just kick back and let my hands soak in a nice warm bucket of the meat water i got left and every so often someone will notice me on the street and drop a subtle “whats sloppin’?” its a simple life but its my life and i wouldn’t trade it for the world.

(via hackercult)