some type of adult girl

milk5:

me getting a match on tinder: Wow i really like her style. Any red flags you notice before i text her bro

My misogynist early 1800s sailor roommate: LO, BY MY SALTE BATTERED EYE – DOTH BY THE TEMPESTAL FURIES OF THE GREATE EMPEROR NEPTUYNE AND ALL SUCHE ANCIENT LEVIATHAN AND DIVINITYIES WORSHYPPED BY THE MARINERS LOST TO THE DARK SEAS – LOST INEVITABLIE TO TIME AND TRADE. YOU ARE, *intense coughing and wheezing* YOU ARE, BOY, BUT THE WEARY ALBATROSS SWEPT BY A WEST WYNDE CONJURED BY THE FEARFULLE NYGHTE STIRRIYNGES OF THE SOFT GREY SKY, SISTER TO THE UNRULY DEPTHES. NAUGHT BUT BY THE LUCKE KNOWN NOT TO MY SUNKEN BROTHERS, KNOWN NOT THE THE COUNTLESS SOULS RESTYNG BELLOWE, MAY YOU WYSHE RETYURN TO THE COLONIYES OF YOUR KIN, BOY. THE CRYES OF A MATE, RINGIYNG FOR ETERNITIE FROME THE TRENCHES OF YOUR MIND — SYRENS!!!! *coughing and hacking up black spittle* THE CALL OF THE SYRENS TO ODYSSEUS, YOU ARE NOT TO LISTYNE – LEST YOU GROW IMPATIENT WYTHIN YOUR FAITH OF THE BITTERSWEET SEAS, BOY. FOR THE SWEETE SORROWS OF HER GRASP – THEY ARE ALWAYS TO REMAINE ESOTERICA TO THE FEMALLES OF LAND – SURRENDER YOUR LUSTE!!!!! FOR MAN IS MARRIED ONLY TO THE WINE RED SEAS

me not listening because ive been talking to my tinder match about sandwiches and car sex: Thats so real bro. When are you gonna pay me back for gorceries by the way

(via excusemethatsnotcanon)