If minions were real people would hunt them illegally qnd sell their meat on the black market and people would cook and eat them and it would be considered the highest luxury to consume minion meat because of their protection under US law but also because they dont reproduce so theres theoretically a limited number of minions in the world but basically there would be a huge rise in organized crime in the US because of minion hunting and smuggling but basjcally my point is theyd cook minion meat into steaks and they would call it filet minion