hellbabyfromhell:

hellbabyfromhell:

hellbabyfromhell:

hellbabyfromhell:

hellbabyfromhell:

hellbabyfromhell:

hellbabyfromhell:

ive been watching so much house i wrote myself a house scene about myself in my mind immediately upon waking up

taub: “Patient is a 24 year old girl who wakes up with a tummy ache—“

house: “Theres a *planned parenthood* up the street of she’s trying to handle that. Or I’m sure we have a, clothes hanger around.”

(every doctor rolls their eyes)

13: “You have no conclusive evidence for this.” (her beautiful blue eyes look at house) Patient also literally Just woke up. Why not give her 1 cc of baltco tap water?”

house: (throwing a bouncy ball then stands up abruptly) “Fine. Administer small sips of water from a really old water bottle, then the presumed virgin run a pee test. That way we’ll know if she’s got a Tumblrite 2 in her, or something worse. “(he walks away leaving the team. he is thinking about if wilsons tummy is ok.)

—Later—

foreman: “remy, your huntingtons” (looking lustfully)

13: “Im bisexual”

—meanwhile—

taub and kutner are looking at the mri machine.

taub: “what kind of girl drinks water out of an old water bottle like that and doesnt even have a brita filter for her tap water.”

kutner: “a girl from tumblr. But you’d probably like those maybe. They arent so bad.”

taub: (rolls his eyes still looking at the screen) “why would i want to talk to some underhydrated girls who stay online all day?”

kutner: (looks at him) “why did you have an affair with a woman you met at olive garden? i guess we all date in different circles.”

(they make eye contact)

me: (from the mri) “hey… oohh… my stomach…”

taub: (still pondering the words said to him and speaks into the microphone) “well stay calm its almost over.”

(i start thrashing and screaming and machines make sounds)

kutner: (looks at the screen) “looks like house was wrong about that pregnancy.”

(the screen is flashing SHE HAS IBS over and over)

—later—

(house and wilson are having a bet to see who will kiss their homie good night first internally. externally wilson is buying house’s lunch.)

wilson: “ANOTHER bagel house? Dont see how you can be eating so many bagels when youre crunching up all those vicodin pills! Im divorced”

house: “Actually, Wilson, i am taking the drugs sublingually. if you had any hoes you would read erowid and understand nobody crunches—“ (he pauses and looks off into the distance)

wilson: “you sly old dog. You’ve figured it out again havent you.” (he cant even finish his sentence before house gets off of his lap, leaving their cuddle and knocking their blanket on the ground in a really inconvenient way on his way)

house: ( pulls back the curtains in my hospital room) “Crunching.”

me (so sick) : “?? who are you”

house: “im god you stupid stupid stupid idiot. anyway, do you crunch and munch on a lot of sour candies in the middle of the night?”

me: (shocked because i dont know how he knows this)

house: “youve been eating little sour candies in the night, and its making your stomach sick.” (theyre zooming through my CGI guts like magic schoolbus to demonstrate this scientifically) “stick to the tap water. youll live.”

(he walks out of the room and the shittiest song anyone has ever heard plays)

⚠️SPOILER AHEAD⚠️

do not read this if you havent seen season 5 of House MD which finished airing may 11 2009

(as house walks out, he turns slightly to notice i have died. in my hand is a cup that was full of tap water)

??: guess she wasnt cut out for new jersy water. 😏

house: (gasps) amber…

(via hellbabyfromhell)