me in ten years sipping a glass of cabernet sauvignon and stroking my blonde husband's hair while reading my old blog posts on my computerized coffee table and sitting on my humane leather couch: oh marshall, look at how foolish i was as a child. it's really too embarrassing dear, don't look. whatever could i have been thinking?

marshall anderson cheveringsley-gore: well dear, we were all "sjws" back then, weren't we

[BOTH LAUGH.]

me: oh goodness, look at the time on our hypoallergenic floral clock. do be a dear marshall and pick up ethylene hyphasia from her traditional greek lyre lessons, it's almost time for her psychodentistry appointment and she has been so petulant lately. two is a terrible age.

marshall [straightening his hand-embroidered silk cravat]: shall i pick up another carafe of calcium-fortified quinoa juice while i'm at it, darling?

me [steadily pouring the bottle of cabernet onto the white ivory floor]: that would be so good of you, marshall