No offense and im so sorry but killing and violence and blood and blood cutting and stabbing and blood in my eyeballs severed limbs etc

every time i have a bad day of intrusive thoughts due to lack of sleep or whatever I remember that there were times in my life where everyday was like this just a constant barrage of violent self harm thoughts and fantasies that were the background radiation of my inner lifeidk i guess im glad its not like that anymore but i wish it never happened