My dream man speaks like a Jewish guy from New York, has facial hair like a Union solider, and is over 15 inches taller than me. He is 20% evil but in a non damaging way and has a political podcast. The last bit is redundant I guess. He probably listens to jam bands and tries to get me into them. He does prefer IPAs but will chug a bud lite at a moments notice. He breastfeeds me. He hates the CIA with a feverish passion. He will order food for me at restaurants when I'm nervous but then he will make fun of me for it relentlessly. He does not get in bar fights but has the capacity too. He can wear hats.