The earliest evidence of Seinfeld in Mesopotamian culture dates back to somewhere around 3500 B.C., as indicated by cuneiform stone carvings that describe a fertility god named “Observant Jerry” or, depending on the translation, “Jerry the Ever-Watchful,” who performs an eternal stand-up comedy set about agriculture for three demons named Nervous George, Elaine the Cosmic Problem, and Kramer: The One for whom Doors Mean Nothing. Also in Observant Jerry’s eternal stand-up audience is one river crocodile and two other Jerry Seinfelds that the cuneiform tablets refer to as “the lesser Jerrys.”