“One moment we’re celebrating our nation’s repudiation of Trump, and the
next Biden is declared the winner—what a buzzkill,” said 29-year-old
Ryan Lopez, whose smile had visibly faded to weariness as the former
vice president and retired six-term senator appeared on television to
celebrate with his family. “The American people just ousted a
transparently racist, misogynistic, and authoritarian president, but
before we even have a chance to savor that triumph, we’re forced to deal
with the fact that his replacement will be Joe Biden. Ugh, why does the
single best piece of news this country has had in years have to be
tainted immediately? For fuck’s sake.” At press time, Lopez had
reportedly demanded the television be shut off after a news anchor
observed that Trump would remain in power until January.