wish i could tell all of you i was joking but i was there, gandalf-

for a detailed writeup please visit the awardwinning r/HobbyDrama post about it here (link)

some choice excerpts:

I solemnly promise all of this to you, Severus Snape, my only love. May these words create a strong loving bond, which can only be broken by death. If I break the promises made, or treat you not in the manner I should be, I’ll make sure I’ll die. May all the good forces and spirits bless our love eternally…. So it will be done…

One of the reasons some were listed as being unable to contact Snape was because their hearts weren’t pure enough for him. All of the Snapewives who were not regularly visited in their dreams had some sort of character flaw that made him not want to come. Perhaps they simply weren’t attractive enough, and they should start wearing sexier pajamas and lose a few pounds. Or perhaps they had “ugly” hobbies, like swearing too much or biting their nails. Or maybe it was just their personality–they were a gossip, they were too nosy, or they were too crass. Or maybe it’s just that they were too independent for a woman.

According to Snapeist theology, the way Snape is portrayed in Harry Potter is all wrong. Snape the character is just a shadow of Snape the deity, who is omniscient, eternal, and impossible to kill.

“–I BELIEVE THAT SEVERUS SNAPE EXISTS INDEPENDENTLY OF JKR,” claimed one Snapeist. “HE IS A LIVING, FEELING SPIRIT. I BELIEVE ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE AND THAT SEVERUS DOES VISIT THOSE HE CHOOSES TO!”