some type of adult girl

filmnoirsbian:

Its running out onto the empty beach in the dead of night and digging a hole in the sand with your dirty nails and bending over to scream into the hole until your lungs feel raw and then burying it up to get washed out by the tide and when we were younger and living still felt like an act of rebellion and we flicked cigarettes over the edge to see how far the drop was and we dared each other within an inch of our own lives and we survived in spite of our mothers and we slammed the metal doors so hard that the whole house shook and we thought ourselves the storms that those doors were meant to guard from as we wondered when our real lives the promised adventures and coming of ages would show up and it’s falling in love in grocery store aisles and swimming pools and movie theaters and then wondering if we would have still fallen in love if we hadn’t grown up on romance novels and it’s thinking god I’m so lonely i have never been this lonely i could come across a stranger right now and cry against their shoulder and beg them to hold me like a child just to feel that again as you swell up in the summer heat and it’s realizing that there won’t be the promised adventures and while you were waiting you turned 25 without noticing and it’s plucking basil from the garden and laying it on your tongue as you look at the stars and it’s thinking the stars will never look like that again because you will not be the same person when you see them and it’s looking at the world around you and it’s looking in the mirror thinking god what am i supposed to do with this?

(via filmnoirsbian)