Time To Dip My Drink

(ELMER SUBMERGES HIS HEAD UNDERWATER AND CANNOT HEAR ANY RUMBLING; HE IS DIPPING HIS DRINK.)

*FROM THE UNCULTIVATED HEATH EMERGES THE SIZABLE STAFF SARGENT RUSSELL!, GLISTENING WITH LINSEED OIL AND GLISTENING IN THE AFTERNOON SUN.*

*STAFF SARGENT RUSSELL! HEAVES A BELLOW LIKE A THUNDER’S CLAP AND SLAPS THE DIPPING DECK WITH THE SPEED OF LIGHTNING AND THE FORCE OF A HURRICANE.*

(UNCLE ELMER’S HEAD SNAPS UP TO ATTENTION.)

Yes Sir Thank You Sir Just Dipping My Drink Sir

*STAFF SARGENT RUSSELL! CLAPS A HAND ON ELMER’S SHOULDER.*

WORTHLESS, LAZY, SHAMELESS UNCLE - DIPPING YOUR DRINK AFTER THE NOONDAY SUN LIKE SOME SORT OF INFANT. WHAT IS THIS SLOP, YOU HEAP?

Yes Sir Thank You Sir Its Pepsi Sir Im Dip My Drink In Pepsi Sir

*STAFF SARGENT RUSSELL! LOOKS PLEASED.*

AH, PEPSI. GOOD, THAT’S GOOD. GOOD STUFF. DON’T MIND IF I HAVE A TASTE.

*STAFF SARGENT RUSSELL! EXTENDS A FINGER OILED WITH THE GRISTLE OF LAMB DELISH AND DIPS IT BOISTEROUSLY INTO ELMER’S MOUTH AND EXTRACTS A PRECIOUS, GLISTENING DROP OF BROWN LIQUID.*

Thank You Sir Wait Sir Please Sir Dont Eat That Sir...!

*STAFF SARGENT RUSSELL! DIPS THE DRINK ONTO HIS OUTSTRETCHED TONGUE. HE SNORTS SUSPICIOUSLY AND SMACKS HIS LIPS ONCE, TWICE, THRICE…*

THIS IS MR. PIBB.

THIS IS MR. PIBB.

*STAFF SARGENT RUSSELL! FORMS HIS FINGER INTO A FISHHOOK AND LIFTS ELMER UP BY THE CHEEK.*

GO IN THE WATER.

GO IN THE WATER FOR A YEAR, YOU SHRUNKEN DOLLOP.

*STAFF SARGENT RUSSELL! HURLS ELMER WITH ALL OF HIS STRENGTH INTO THE SEA.*

Im Swimming Away Away Away And Never Going Home

This Damn Watter Pruning Me Up And Shrinking Me Up

Ah But What Is That Over In The Distance LOL

A Little Ship - And Easy Pickings