men have set the bar is so fucking low, where i think a lot of girls get distracted by the questions of “is my boyfriend a good person? does he respect me? will he hurt me? is he interested in anything other than my appearance?” rather than “are me and my boyfriend compatible? do we have fun together? do we have interests that align? am i enthusiastic about my love for him?”
there was this guy who liked me on okcupid, and he would message me a LOT, and i never ever responded. his profile was basically, paragraphs of assurances that he’s a good person like and was all long versions of saying “i like consent, i dont like cops, i dont like racism, i don’t like toxic masculinity, i dont abuse people, i dont condone pedophilia” and i feel like all that stuff should be a given. all that stuff shouldn’t be what i’m thinking about when looking for a long term romantic partner. his profile didn’t have much about his interests, or much about anything at all. it was all about his politics and morals. all i knew about him from his profile is that he probably passes the very low bar of not being a horrible person.
“people are more than their politics” shouldn’t mean “people can be horrible racists and still be good people.” it should mean “you deserve to seek out more in friends and partners other than just the lowest bar of not being a horrible person”
And this isn’t about whether a man’s politics are genuine or not. Its about whether they have any other redeemable characteristics besides their politics. A man can have great politics that are completely genuine and still be just a boring dude whose future interests don’t align with yours.
My abuela used to say” dating/marrying a person because they’re good is like buying the car because it came with the steering wheel.
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