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Power Move: Purell Just Announced That If The Catholic Church Doesn’t Start Selling Indulgences Again, They Will

Ever since the Protestant Reformation forced an end to the Catholic Church’s practice of selling indulgences to reduce the penalties of one’s sin, Christians have had to rely on prayer as their only means of repentance. However, one company is looking to change that, as Purell just announced that if the Catholic Church doesn’t start selling indulgences again, they will.

Wow. Talk about a power move.

Purell put out a press release earlier this week stating that, according to its market research, there are still plenty of people out there who would buy indulgences to ensure that they get into heaven, and if the Vatican has no interest in capitalizing on such a lucrative opportunity, then the hand sanitizer manufacturer will step up and give consumers what they want. And while the move would mark a drastic pivot from selling hygiene products, Purell says it’s willing to bet the farm on the sin-remission venture, asserting that the money-making potential in absolving consumers from eternal punishment greatly outweighs any risk.

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