some type of adult girl

historieofbeafts:

Sometimes you visit your local healthcare provider and aren’t sure if the medical professional assisting you is a doctor or a monkey. Asking would be rude, but fortunately there are some easy ways to tell the two apart!

Did they go to school? Monkeys.

Have you seen them studying flasks? Also monkeys.

Do they treat patients? Monkeys.

In fact, most standard healthcare procedures are carried out by monkeys. But if you do encounter a doctor you can recognize them by these signs:

• All of their prescriptions are for dead animals. Do you eat the animal? Do you tie it to your body? Bathe in its blood? Rub it gently on the wound? For proper health it’s best to do all four.
  
• They smell like The Body Shop collided with a chemical processing plant and will not enter any room that hasn’t been adequately perfumed.
  
• Constantly reminding you disease is a punishment from God.
  
• Insist that a diet of fish in sugar will make you less melancholy and arsenic has many proven health benefits.
  
• Will not take patients if the weather is foggy or too warm.
  
• Uncomfortable around fire.
  
• Very interested in your blood. Do you have too much of it? Is it causing problems? You should try having less blood. They will help you have less blood.
  

Image Sources [x]