some type of adult girl

laughingatmynightmare:

In less than two weeks, I’ll be on my way to San Francisco for another crazy adventure with my nonprofit. We are giving two motivational talks at a large biotech company called Genentech. The stakes are higher than ever, as we still aren’t sure how (or if) air travel will be possible for me. But the tickets are booked! I’m going to make it to San Fran one way or another!

We have a very loose gameplan that involves a child’s carseat and some homemade adaptations to combat the fact that I can’t sit up on my own any longer. Even if the flight goes smoothly (dear god please don’t hit us with turbulence), I’ve heard so many horror stories about wheelchairs being lost or damaged. The general consensus seems to be that flying with a severe disability is about as much fun as gargling sand.

Basically, the chances that I don’t return from this trip alive are very high. Taking that into consideration, I’ve written up my last wishes. Please only use this in the event of my untimely death.

1. Do not, under ~any~ circumstances, allow Erinn or Sarah to take control of the company. They will inevitably turn LAMN into a kitten shelter, and my legacy will be lost forever.
2. Please sell my book at my funeral. A signing won’t be possible, but people may pose next to my cadaver with their book for photos. Please encourage patrons to use ‪#‎laughingatmyfuneral‬ for any social media sharing of these photos.
3. I would like to be buried with both of my pee jars. Do not embalm them.
4. Coke was, is, and always will be better than Pepsi. I never trusted those who disagreed.
5. My greatest pleasure in life was being deeply in love.
6. Please bequeath all of my belongings and assets to whoever lives at 2954 E 5th Street. Chicago, IL. I don’t know who lives there but imagine their surprise when they receive all my stuff!
7. If a movie is made about me, I want Emma Stone to play my character.
8. If Emma desperately wants the role, but is just too busy to make it work, I’ll settle for Gerard Butler.
9. Most importantly, everyone be nice to each other always no matter what. Seems like it should go without saying, but in the world today it often feels like people forget this one.