some type of adult girl

urulokid:

oh my sweet summer child. you know nothing of the terrors of the internet

im gonna ignore the fact that you could have found all this information from a google search and tell you all about this fic because my immortal is my fucking favorite thing ever

back up. let us return to a kinder time, a time when ff.net was the biggest fanfic site on the web and harry potter was still not complete and hot topic was the Place to Be. the year 2006.

one day on ff.net, a fic made its appearance. not just any fic. a harry potter AU fic where all the main characters were OOC bisexual goth vampires and got reassigned to slytherin, the author’s terrible self-insert OC was everyone’s love interest, the entire thing was written in chatspeak/textspeak, and every chapter began with the author yelling at he readerbase and demanding good reviews. 

the entire thing reads like someone had watched harry potter on acid and decided to write a goth hot topic AU fanfic, featuring such well-known characters as Albert Dumblydore, Vlodemort, Snap, Loopin, and Hargrid. there is no plot except random horribly written sex scenes and descriptions of all the character’s clothes. at ome point marty mcfly makes a random appearance.

and NOBODY KNOWS TO THIS DAY if the author was a troll or not. she stopped updating the story in 2007 after something like 45 chapters had been put up. then ff.net removed this magnum opus from its archives in 2008, there was a mass rebellion, ff.net changed their grammar standards therefore not allowing the fic to be re-uploaded, someone uploaded it to an external site, and there it sits to this day for your reading pleasure.