It looks like a normal plate of fettuccine Alfredo, but upon closer inspection, you can see that the fettuccine has been replaced with thin, blonde dreadlocks. These dreadlocks were carefully gathered from the grounds of a large electronic music festival. That’s why the dish is so expensive.
me in ten years sipping a glass of cabernet sauvignon and stroking my blonde husband’s hair while reading my old blog posts on my computerized coffee table and sitting on my humane leather couch: oh marshall, look at how foolish i was as a child. it’s really too embarrassing dear, don’t look. whatever could i have been thinking?
marshall anderson cheveringsley-gore: well dear, we were all “sjws” back then, weren’t we
[BOTH LAUGH.]
me: oh goodness, look at the time on our hypoallergenic floral clock. do be a dear marshall and pick up ethylene hyphasia from her traditional greek lyre lessons, it’s almost time for her psychodentistry appointment and she has been so petulant lately. two is a terrible age.
marshall [straightening his hand-embroidered silk cravat]: shall i pick up another carafe of calcium-fortified quinoa juice while i’m at it, darling?
me [steadily pouring the bottle of cabernet onto the white ivory floor]: that would be so good of you, marshall
the collared crow is a stocky member of the corvid family found in china & vietnam. they are named for their distinctive white marking spreading from the back of the neck to the middle of the chest in a ‘collar’ formation. they are omnivorous feeders, taking many foods like rice, insects, and human litter. they are sometimes known to fly “lazily”, letting their feet dangle in flight.
