Hi, I'm a guy standing by the doors of a convenient store that you frequent. It's 10pm and you're out because your wife needed Sprite and Gatorade because her tummy hurts and you'd do anything to make her life easier. Anyway I'm asking you something.
"Hey excuse me, can I ask you a question?"
You say no but I keep talking because I have a very obvious script in my head and you're messing it up so I ignore you.
" I'm not trying to bother you but I noticed your rims are dirty. I clean rims as a side hustle. It's 3 rims for $15."
" You only offer a three pack?" You say visibly confused.
" Well no I can do all four but that’s $20."
"That isn't a deal then if every rim was already $5 each, you know that right?"
"Uhh umm"
I'm stumbling. No one has ever talked to me this long.
"So do you want your rims cleaned?" I’m hopeful.
" No. it's 10pm and we're at a Dollar General. You don't have water or soap or anything."
"Uhhh ummm I can do it some other ti-"
You cut me off.
"And why don't you clean the entire car? Detail all the outside and maybe the inside? Wouldn't that be a better business model?"
" Uhhh well i-"
you cut me off again
"I have to go inside now."
You make a show of locking your car doors. You walk to the entrance and look back and I've disappeared.
You're at the drink aisle and they’re out of your wife's Gatorade that she likes. She's very picky and only likes the light blue one. They only have yellow one. You opt in for Powerade instead, she doesn't like the blue Powerade one so maybe the red one is the safest choice. She does like fruit juice so why wouldn't she like fruit punch flavor? Oh why didn't you have her write an entire essay on her opinions on sports drinks! You're kicking yourself but you grab the bottle and go to the fridges in the back to get a bottle of Sprite. They changed what the bottle looks like again. It looks like every other bottle. God damn these corporations making everything look palatable to everyone. The green bottle kicked ass. You grab the bottle and double check to make sure it's not Sprite Zero because all the bottles look the same and you've made that mistake before. Your wife pretended it was fine and took a baby sip of the soda in front of you to make you believe that it truly was okay then she put it to the side and never touched it again. You threw the full bottle away two days later when you cleaned the house.
Everything checked out so you head to the cash register, walking slowly to look at all the candy hanging in the aisle. “Maybe I should get some gummy sharks” you think but it's already 10pm and they close at 10:30pm. So it's best you just keep walking and not waste time. The lights flicker above you as you walk. You put your items on the conveyor belt and the cashier asks
"Did you find everything okay?"
What? How? It's the same man from outside but he's wearing different clothes and he's smiling so big it looks like it hurts.
"Um yeah I did thanks." You say as calmly as you can.
You pay with your card but the machine isn't processing it.
"Push the card in more" he says.
"Okay yeah."
It works and the payment goes through. You walk fast to your car and get in and drive home. You’re shaken. You wish that your home was farther from that place than it was. You realize it's an easily walkable distance to your home. Something I could easily walk and find your car and its dirty rims. You almost run a red light.
You make it home and it feels nice outside. Feels nicer here than it did there? It's only a 3 minute drive apart. How is that possible? You walk inside and give your wife her drinks. It's clear you made the wrong decision by getting the Powerade. But she drinks the sprite. You take off your shoes and put on pajamas. You don't sleep that night. You think about me and my terrible business I'm running.
The next morning you go outside to clean your rims. They are indeed dirty and maybe I had a point when I said they needed to be cleaned. You make your pathetic little soap mixture and sit down to get to work. With soapy rag in hand, you see a little smiley face etched out of the dirt on your driver front rim. You spend too much time scrubbing away the dirt. After an hour, you get up tired and wet and think "maybe that was worth $20"
