who wants to fling my awful body into the sun
unbelievable. i have to do everything myself
(via iguanamouth)
people say dolphins are smart but there not smart enough to not be Shity grey rubber tubes flappin about in the gotdamn ocean
*they’re
congratulations! you are the piss lord of shit mountain. thank u for hefting turds down the mountainside so that we, the proles, may feast on your bounteous craps
I’m so hungry but none of the food in this apartment is appetizing enough to make me get out of bed so it seems we are at an impasse
Man okay when I got my wisdom teeth out it was a fucking experience. Before the surgery wasn’t too interesting but as soon as I woke up I saw the nurse next to me and was all like “hey… i think… i died… and now I’m in a parallel universe… and i gotta go back to my house and kill…
(via artsy-kitten)
lmao at people saying “wow i can’t believe eminem said he’d punch lana del rey i’ve lost all respect for him”
you’ve JUST lost respect for him now?
not after he made a song pretty much explaining step by step how he would murder his wife?
or the countless other times he talked about beating women or was homophobic or transmisogynistic
(via 3dbabyfromallymcbeal)
I JUST went through all my Brenda messages and replied and now I’m breathing like I ran a marathon flirting with GIRLS in SPANISH is so stressful D:
And now they’re a responding my poor heart I’ve barely exercised in Months I can’t take this
NASA just announced that they’re going to be launching the earth into space
We’ve come so far. Science is incredible
(via iguanamouth)
i need to be honest i’m funnier than any guy i’ve ever met and also smarter and also way too pretty for them
