Captain, wait! I’m the one who should be crunchetized
me @ 8:30 am after spending the entire night not starting on the paper that’s due this afternoon: would this be a good time to start semi-ironically photoshopping princess twilight sparkle into pictures of me?
me @ 8:35 am:
what
(via jeezypetes)
Can someone explain the relationship between grapes and raisins to me? I know there’s something going on there… just not sure what it is
I’m going to three theme parties tonight: Skanky Goth, Freaks n Geeks, and Sex Kittens…. wish me luck
Nobody wished me luck and this is what happened: 1) i got ultra mega hyper drunk 2) this guy i’d hooked up with came out to me as asexual and i was suuuuuper unsurprisedd 3) i got to kiss the girl i like and it wAS so great i fell all the way onto the floor and it was rly embarassing 4) my knees got all bloody and i look like a cool Blowjob Warrioir but actually i just crawled inside an igloo 4) i just lay on the floor with my body half way inside the refridgerator for like 10 minutes
(via jeezypetes)
Remember kids, alcohol is poison. But like a cool poison that makes you happy & gives your life meaning
Why do boys try to chat you up when you’re in line for the bathroom at parties? Like I’m here to pee not meet hot singles in my area
Being a poor college student is so great I found a fresh strawberry on the ground and it was the best thing I’d eaten in days
should u tell someone ur not interested in a relationship at the end of the first date or should u wait til ur engaged
guess what its 1 year later and i am still dating this same nerd i was thinkin about when i wrote this post
i had to drink a shitton of coffee to keep myself up for the second night in a row andd now im blasting waterfall noise to counterract the anxiety-producing effects of all that caffeine but the noiae is igivng me a headache and my heart is still beating at 1.5 normal speed and i’m still like. less than w quarter done with my spanish paper if i survive the college experience it will be through the grace of Our Lord and Svior Jesus Chcrist and the gracr of Our Lord and Sacior Jesus Christ alone
i ooze sex appeal & it’s disgusting. also slippery
i like the idea that thomas the tank engine is a horrid person(?) on a conceptual level. what a fucker, that blue train. i hate his guts(?)
(via jeezypetes)
