- Ted Allen: You have 30 seconds left, chefs.
- Chef: I looked down at my dish and realized it needed a little more color, so I decide to make a quick purée out of lima beans and hot raspberry sauce, then brûlée the top with a blowtorch and add a few mint leaves to really give it some texture.
- Me: *pterodactyl screech*
That “things they didn’t teach you in school” post where “the bush administration coordinated 9/11” is like… Right in there
i scream you scream we all scream for
I wish the poor intern who was forced to make this disastrously unfunny image all the best in their future career
- Every John green book: my name is Kirk assgun and I m not cool or popular and I'm bullied everyday because I fuck comic books and I watch this really cool show called the Big Bang theory. But it's okay because I at least have 2 other bros and 1 convenient negro friend. You see that girl over there? That's kaydence Tigerlilly Dookieson. SHe is the love of my life. She is misunderstood and like really cool indie bands like Coldplay and she's been smoking since she was 7. She's not like other girls. If only she would realize that the missing key to her life was me, a greasy white boy