look at this absolutely perfect creature. there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. it has achieved utter greatness.
(via moonry)
I Just came up with a new beverage
half orange juice and half flat diet coke i call it “mild depression ”
Rural Public School Things:
1. When your class is really quiet, and then you hear some wailing banshee scream across the hall and nobody does anything about it but a few people chuckle.
2. When there’s a hole in the ceiling or a pipe or something and nobody fixes it for months, and everyone just sort of adapts to it.
3. That one toilet that doesn’t flush properly that people still use.
4. Sometimes there’s a microwave in a teacher’s room that nobody’s allowed to use because some kid exploded something in it like ten years ago and ruined it for everyone.
5. The kid that rides a unicycle to school instead of a bike.
6. The drama/choir/band kids that you KNOW are drama/choir/band kids despite never having seen them perform.
7. The girl’s volleyball team that is somehow always composed of tall, leggy valkyrie warriors.
8. That one legendary time that one kid did that thing and something exploded.
9. Reoccurring public safety violations everyone is a litle concerned about but nobody really does anything to fix.
10. Occasional animal infestations.
11. Somehow there’s something on the ceiling and nobody knows how it got there.
12. That one room that’s probably not allowed to exist.
13. The substitute that should have died 50 years ago but still shows up to teach nothing and mumble about weird shit.
14. Sometimes there just isn’t any paper towel.
15. Unexplained objects that appear overnight and just become a normal thing.
16. The year you were instructed to bring your own glue sticks and crayons to a final exam, worth 25% of your grade.
17. The class you failed even though you got a 80% on the final.
18. “Okay class, we’re out of _______ again.”
19. Okay so the school board did something stupid that’s wasting our time but we’re just going to roll with it
20. There’s been a wad of gum stuck to the fountain for 6 months and nobody’s taken it off because nobody wants to use it anymore anyways.
21. The water’s brown today but it’s probably fine
22. That one day the gym teacher gave up completely
23. The one cafateria special that nobody’s ever ordered.
24. Some guy wore a T-shirt with a pot leaf on it so he has to wear a sweaty gym pinnie till final bell.
25. The red, yellow, blue, and green pinnies that probably haven’t been cleaned, fixed, or replaced since 1978 that are supposed to be ‘one-size-fits-all’ yet somehow don’t fit anyone
26. Ocassional ‘bear/mountain lion/stoned guy wandering the grounds with what is either a bong or a gun so stay inside kids’ warning on the PA
27. The gym teacher is tired today so the whole class is released into the woods for an hour and a half of murder tag.
28. The power goes out randomly for hours at a time but nobody’s allowed to go home because some kids live in the fricking forest.
29. That big clique of plaid guys whose parents are loggers so they wear forestry gear every single day.
30. Nobody turns the heat on until february and they don’t put the AC on until September.
31. Every once and awhile someone brings a dead thing to school and it’s chill.
32. Everyone knows that guy that got mauled by a bear a few years back.
33. Going on field trips and being told to pick a buddy and huddle in groups because you don’t hear mountain lions coming until they get you and they aim for the stragglers.
34. That 12 year old that brings a big stick everywhere but it’s not weird because they walk home alone and there’s a ram loose.
35. Occasional farm animals loose on the road in front of the bus; constant chants from the back to 'run it over’.
36. Sometimes someone lights something on fire and that’s not great
(via whoopsrobots)
I finally found my old bunny costume and it’s 5000% better than it was when I lost it
(via whoopsrobots)
Some guy came up behind me
Looked down my shirt…
Saw the knife clipped to my bra…
And said,
I shit you not;.,“Whoa,
Not cool.
Why do you have a knife?”Ilike
He j uSt
said
(via whoopsrobots)
You guys reblog these forest pictures but honestly there’s 10000 acres of this shit behind my house and around my school and nobody goes near it except in berry season because it’s damp and the mountain lions are everywhere
(via whoopsrobots)
FARM KID GUIDE TO LIVING RURAL:
1. Make noise when you’re walking. Bears generally avoid people, but it you startle one, it will kill you.
2. Never look a predator in the eyes. That is a challenge.
3. Do not turn your back on a predator. Do not run from a predator. If you run from a predator, you are prey, and it will chase you. Back away slowly while making quiet noises.
4. If you see a hole in the ground, don’t stick your hand in it.
5. If you’re in a group of people, stay close together and don’t let anyone fall behind. Mountain lions are very quiet, and always hunt for the slowest in the herd.
6. Stay the fuck away from farm ducks. I could go into detail, but it’s easier not to go near them.
7. When feeding sheep, stay out of the flock. They have sharp, stabby little hooves and they are OK with stepping all over you.
8. Yes, there’s shit in that field. Yes, you will step in it. Bring gumboots.
9. Never keep your food in the same place you sleep. If something’s going to get your food in the night, you don’t want it near you.
10. Raccoons are never your friend.
11. There isn’t a wild animal alive that wants to be your spirit companion. Everything is a power balance. Don’t fuck it up.
12. If you don’t know what it is, don’t eat it.
13. Make sure the young, small, or unfamiliar always travel with a buddy.
14. Bears have tiny eyes that are hard to dig at, but they have large, sensitive noses. They can’t see too well, but if one is mauling you, go for the nose and punch as hard as you can. You’re still fucked, though.
15. Bears can climb trees. Bears can swim. Bears can run faster than horses.
16. You will not hear a mountain lion coming. The best you can do is make sure it doesn’t see you in the first place.
17. Noises in the dark are good. Everything in the forest is just as scared for their life as you are- if it suddenly goes silent, that’s when you get worried, because that means they’re hiding from something you didn’t notice.
18. Bats don’t give a shit about you. Leave them alone.
19. Insects don’t want to live in your face. Your face is the last thing an insect wants to be in. It’s okay to sleep.
20. Don’t go in a sheep field without a walking stick. Rams are called rams for a reason.
21. If a ram attacks you, grab it’s ears. It doesn’t feel good for them, but it’s better than breaking your fucking ribs.
22. Don’t head a goat by the horns. It’s really, really uncomfortable for them.
23. Pigs eat everything. Literally everything organic can be eaten by a pig. Do not research. Do not.
24. Frogs are both edible and delicious, but they will continue to move around half an hour after they’re dead. No, they’re not still alive, they just have very primitive neural relays. It’s not suffering if you kill it properly, it’s just taking time to lose that energy.
25. Cedar wood and lavender contain chemical properties that repel spiders and other insects. Keep a small cedar block in your room.
26. If you go outside and the air smells like rotten fruit and old leather, something died. Don’t worry, the smell will go away by itself in about two weeks, depending on the size of the thing.
27. Keep the damn outhouse clean. Leave a flashlight in there too, because someone always forgets one.
28. Don’t adopt wild animals.
29. Most things really don’t want to eat you.
30. Don’t trust a farmer that offers you a ‘floor cookie’.
31- The rural version of London’s pigeons are Deer. They are everywhere. They kill people. They are stupid. They eat everything. You can’t keep them away from your house. (Plant morning glory- the flowers are beautiful, but they’re also poisonous and deer hate them.)
32- stop giving a fuck about rabbits.
(via whoopsrobots)
I want to leave this world the same way I came into it;
Screaming, naked, hospitalized, and covered in the blood of my loved ones
(via whoopsrobots)
I know it’s just a paper bag and what I assume to be a cardigan but you stuck an “18+” thing on there and now it just feels dirty
(via whoopsrobots)
I think it’s so wild that America does cakes and body paint and stuff for 4th of July; I mean, maybe the rest of Canada is different but all we do for the 1st in my city is watch a car parade get a sticker go home and wait for 15 minutes of piss-coloured fireworks to go off to the ‘star wars’ theme song
(via whoopsrobots)