me as a pilot
me: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have an announcement to make but first you have to promise not to get mad
Sliding around in fuzzy socks 😸 had fun messing around in class today!
Y'all don’t understand how clean she finesses these moves 😍😍😍😍
😍💎💎💎💎😩
(via witchydarling)
Things you can do to be happier
- Toil
- Do more work
- Do more work earlier
- Organize your work
- Exercise to make your corrupt, sin-riddled body less bad
- Eat right to make your corrupt, sin-riddled body less bad
- Think positive thoughts, you bad-bodied swine
- Be psychologically pure
- Be productive
- Work out
- Keep a vegetable journal
* eat 15 oranges a day
Unfortunately, oranges taste good and are impure due to their high sugar content. Too much sugar makes you unclean, which is unhappy. Your HELLBOUND FLESH cannot be cleansed of unproductivity and you cannot maximize your happiness if you fall prey to false enjoyments and cheap, short-term thrills. Genuine happiness is derived from hard work and output of accomplishments thereby wrought, in addition to existing as a congruous, clean-bodied member of a productive society. Eat ye not of sweet fruits except on occasions of well-earned reward.
(via errorschacha)
narration by lemony snicket. cover art by brett helquist.
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