Two Medieval Monks Invent Bestiaries

naturepunk:

effington:

em-ily-grace:

By Mallory Ortberg on The Toast

MONK #1: do birds have meetings
MONK #2: absolutely
they have a Meeting Hat and everything
MONK #1: what do they have meetings about
MONK #2: mostly who gets to wear the meeting hat

image

MONK #1: do human women sleep in beds or–
MONK #2: no that’s dogs you’re thinking of
MONK #1: right right

image

MONK #1: what part of the knight do fish go on
MONK #2: the head
MONK #1: thanks
MONK #2: oh absolutely
no problem at all
MONK #1: both lying flatwise across the head, or…?
MONK #2: no one on each side
like ears
MONK #1: ok great

image

MONK #1: so when a dog and a bird make out
MONK #2: right
MONK #1: it’s usually the bird that’s on top
right?
MONK #2: yeah
usually
MONK #1: great

image

MONK #1: hey is it owls or people that live in caves and build fires?
MONK #2: owls

image

MONK #1: hey roughly what size are sparrows
MONK #2: mm
it kind of depends
MONK #1: like
AS big as a tree
or not quite as big as a tree?
MONK #2: oh pretty much the same size as a tree

image

MONK #1: can cows sail boats?
MONK #2: hahaha no
common misconception
they have to put wheels on the boat and roll it over land

image

MONK #1: what do birds eat
MONK #2: other birds mostly
MONK #1: like different kinds of birds, or something else
MONK #2: no birds only eat exactly the same kind of birds that they are

image

MONK #1: what kind of bird tucks people into bed at night
usually I mean
MONK #2: any bird
any kind of walking bird
MONK #1: and when it tucks you in, people usually look…
MONK #2: incredibly worried
it’s incredibly worrying when the bedbird tucks you in

image

MONK #1: ugh sorry to bother you again
MONK #2: no no its fine
this is what i’m here for
what is it
MONK #1: what part of a goat is a snail again
like the front end or the back end
MONK #2: what part do you feel like should be the snail part
MONK #1: the back part?
MONK #2: you shouldnt doubt yourself
you know more about goats than you give yourself credit for

image

MONK #1: what usually rides horses
like people or–
MONK #2: fire

image

Tbh this is the funniest post on this dumb website

“It’s incredibly worrying when the bedbird tucks you in.” 

(via bogleech)

help-mywife:

Help; my wife texts me every 11:11 to make a wish but I already have everything I want she is so perfect

help-mywife:

Help; my wife wants to dye the easter eggs black to honor her goth middle school phase

help-mywife:

Help; my wife invited wine tasters to our house and dyed the white wines red to prank them

(via help-mywife)

help-mywife:

Help; My wife doesn’t like the furniture I bought and isn’t scolding the cat for scratching at it

(via help-mywife)

help-mywife:

Help my wife demands that we both chop onions before sex and then she makes fun of me for crying during sex

(via help-mywife)

(via dongboss)

episodechooseyourstory:
“What would you do? You choose what path your character takes in Episode – download the app now!
”
Is episode all about lesbians now or is this targeted advertising

episodechooseyourstory:

What would you do? You choose what path your character takes in Episode – download the app now!

Is episode all about lesbians now or is this targeted advertising

(via dongboss)

thegrumbliestpuppy:

rasec-wizzlbang:

slartibartfastibast:

Deep Frog

do you think this is what lovecraft meant whenever he described something as being beyond description

reblogged for that comment! I’ve never been able to get a picture of an idea of something truly “beyond description”, and this definitely fits.

(via metaflesh-deactivated20180415)

rebeccasugar:

I’m so excited to officially announce “The Answer” children’s book!

Cover art by Elle Michalka!

I was so glad to get a chance to adapt this story into such a timeless format, and to work with two of my absolute favorite artists, original Crewniverse members Elle Michalka and Tiffany Ford!

I’m so in love with how this book came out, and I can’t wait for everyone to see it! It’s the classic story of how Ruby and Sapphire fell in love, but told in an entirely new way.

Please check it out soon! Thank you so much!

(via stevencrewniverse)