lesbianeroticthriller:

This is what I use the internet for

(via capacity)

king-dra:

king-dra:

king-dra:

mark fuckerburg

slap your balls and die

at this point comedy is a moving target and im just flailing my arms in a vain hope to hit it

(via yeah-yeah-beebiss-1)

Me (buying a jean jacket and some gummy candy) you gotta spend money to make money!!!

God i wish that were me

God i wish that were me

(via egberts)

I’ve bought all my bus tickets for my trip (like 8 tickets) except a ticket back home to san jose 🤔 maybe bc very deep down…. on a psychological level… I don’t want to return to this shitty town and enormous depressing neighborhood that’s like 30% homeless people and 60% weird garbage on the ground and face unemployment and be reminded of all my failures romantically and career-wise 🤔 who knows though the human mind is a mystery. Anyways maybe I’ll just extend my airbnb stay in eugene indefinitely and get married and spend the rest of my life there in eugene and my san jose roommates can just sell my stuff or whatever 🤷🏼‍♀️

jeezypetes:

God just reflecting on my grocery store nightmare yesterday… I accepted my roommates offer to drive me there bc it was hot and I didn’t want to walk and she picked out 1 item and spent the rest of the time following me around commenting on my purchases so i ended up buying only half of what I needed. At one point i was goofing around with the shopping cart and she was like “You weren’t popular in high school… were you…” & if I hadn’t eaten a weed gummy prior to departure i would have been slain on the spot

She also called me an alcoholic in the checkout line

(via lelelego)

I could say a lot of things abt my roommate but all i rly need to say is that her favorite food is hard boiled eggs, her favorite spice is turmeric, and her favorite juice is white grape