beachdeath:

taylor swift invites me to her Reputation Secret Session listening party. i know that this means taylor’s read my blog, and she must know i’m not super happy with this album cycle. so i’m on my best behaviour, trying hard to be nice and not kill the joy of the fourteen-year-olds around me. we all sit down on her living room floor and chat for a while. it’s nice. taylor swift is nice. i’m starting to feel more relaxed, but i’m definitely still trying to keep the peace though. i tell her that fearless was a formative album for me and she thanks me and says it was so sweet of me to say that. taylor swift announces that she made snickerdoodles and she has to go pop them out of the oven. the fourteen-year-olds cheer, and as taylor walks away, they begin to talk amongst themselves. i happen to look up. the kitchen door is slightly ajar and taylor swift is staring at me through the thin crack, her eyes twin coals of searing, black hatred. i gasp a little. the fourteen-year-olds ask me what’s wrong. i say that nothing is wrong. taylor swift comes toward us with a tray of piping hot snickerdoodles and invites us all to take one. i decline and tell her i just ate. she insists that i take one. i tell her that i’m sorry but i’m really full and they smell delicious. she forcibly places a snickerdoodle in my hand. she tells me to eat it. there is no way i am going to eat this snickerdoodle because i am genuinely afraid that taylor swift will kill me. i am seriously afraid that taylor swift has put poison in this snickerdoodle and is trying to kill me. one of the fourteen-year-olds asks if the cookies are gluten-free. taylor swift’s mother andrea swift calls out from the kitchen to say that the cookies do, in fact, contain gluten. i loudly announce that i have celiac disease and then i toss the cookie into a nearby artisanal woven wastebasket while loudly announcing that nobody wants a cookie that has my germs all over it. taylor smiles at me. she says nothing. the fourteen-year-olds demand to finally hear Reputation and she presses play and the living room’s surround sound system begins to play the album. i am sweating. the fourteen-year-olds are having fun. we get to the part where she says “island breeze” in a caribbean accent. i visibly wince. taylor swift affects a friendly voice and asks me if i like the song. i tell her that i do. i announce that i have to go to the washroom. my thought is that i can walk down the main hallway and escape through the front door. taylor stands up and says she’ll walk me to the washroom. i say that it’s fine actually and i can hold my pee. taylor swift says that’s silly. she tugs at my arm until i stand up and then she very lightly holds my arm and guides me down the hallway, out of the view of the fourteen-year-olds. i am very scared. we reach the bathroom. taylor swift releases her hold on my arm. she looks very intently at my t-shirt. it’s an animal collective 2017 tour t-shirt. i got it when i went to an animal collective concert back in may. “i see you like animal collective,” she says. “please don’t kill me, taylor swift,” i reply. “there was VX nerve agent in that snickerdoodle,” taylor swift says. “oh my god,” i say, and i say, “taylor, please, i know i said the singles were bad, but that was only because i believe so much in your potential.” taylor swift levels her eyes at me. kubrick stare. “you’re seriously going to stand there,” she says, “wearing a t-shirt plastered with the cover art for painting with, and you’re going to tell me that my album is bad.” i am crying now. “floridada is a really fun song,” i whisper, through phlegm and tears. taylor swift’s eyes roll back into her head and an ancient voice echoes forth from her throat, intoning in latin: “Vos ipsi deceperunt me, quia novissima hora est.” somehow i die just from that.

(via werewolve)

jonbutter:

I have this clip from Teen Wolf saved on my computer as physicalcomedy.mov because this is my all time favorite physical comedy bit.

Nothing gets me like Michael J. Fox trying to run down a very wet & slippery hallway.

(via )

youaremyeverlovin:
“these constantly orbiting around me at a 10ft radius
”

youaremyeverlovin:

these constantly orbiting around me at a 10ft radius

(via papajohnpizzas-deactivated20181)

streetdogmillionaires:

Do NOT get a working-line pariah dog unless you are prepared to provide them with a job that respects their heritage. These dogs are working animals that must be given an outlet for their comfort-seeking, energy-conserving instincts. If you do not channel their sun-bathing drive appropriately, they might start sun-bathing your children.

genes-belcher:
“Have you seen my son anywhere?
”

genes-belcher:

Have you seen my son anywhere?

(via artsy-kitten)

ghettoinuyasha:

fckin:

I’m thinking about her

image

forbidden fruit

(via timeforcereal)

lornacrowley:

lornacrowley:

i cant believe its daylight savings time and i havent seen the “hello its me your cousin oskaar from iceland” video on my dash yet you are all slackers

i guess i have to do all the work around here dont i

(via iwilleatyourenglish)

luna–bc:

Luna’s first snow :’D

(via handsomedogs)

aeruos:

im re-opening my patreon on saturday so I decided to make the tier’s witch themed! and kinda loosely based off the aesthetic of my comic hehe

i’m feeling really good lately so i just thought i’d let you know since i can go off radar sometimes. <3

(via stitchedgirl)

emotionalmorphine:

I’m curious - reblog with the most common themes of your dreams in the tags.

(via krawps)

compostpile:

compostpile:

when it comes to consciousness raising you can spend time telling someone “crazy” is a slur or you can spend time explaining that what looks like “care” or “cure” or “mercy” to them is actually eugenics or abuse. one of these projects has to precede the other and i bet you can guess which one i would prioritize

you’re either going to build a base of clueless liberals who learn by rote to nitpick their language for anything with the remotest connection to ability, or you’re going to help them develop the alertness and critical eye necessary to recognize eugenics and abuse. i don’t think those things are mutually compatible in an immediate timeframe, because one locates both the root and branch of oppression in a disembodied cloud of language and thought, and the other locates it in the real material structures that we need to confront immediately in order to save actual lives. not saying “crazy” isn’t going to get anyone out of forced institutionalization

(via jeremiahinnocence-deactivated20)

bapouro:

a collection………………

(via dogjpeg)