Found mostly in South America. Its shell resembles bark, and its head resembles fallen leaves, making it an expert at camouflage. It is also an expert at looking like my nightmares.
just earlier i saw a mother doe and she was FAT her belly was bulging and jiggling… i think there will be some frolicking baby animals hanging around pretty soon
*watches the Mother doe from the side walk nomming thumb*
hi Hector, what’s going on? can you show me any new powers today?
*turns and looks at you with big eyes* Powas?
light ‘em up, Hector…
*confusedly picks up rock* Wock…
*throws at your shins *
ahh! that’s not what i mean!
*eyes turn red for a second but they turn brown again soon*
ughhh… it’s been so long since i spoke to babys… i forgot you don’t have any powers. what are you here for, then?
Ok so I was looking for historical slang terms for penis (gotta be era-accurate when writing vintage dick jokes) and I came across….something
some linguist compiled a literal timeline of genitalia slang–a cock compendium, if you will–that dates back all the way to the fucking 13th CENTURY. This motherfucker tracked the evolution of erection etymology through 800+ years, because if he doesn’t do it, who else will? Thank you for your service, Johnathon Green.
Some of my favorites include:
Shaft of Delight (1700s)
Womb Sweeper (1980s)
Master John Goodfellow (1890s)
Nimble-Wimble (1650s)
Corporal Love (1930s)
Staff of Life (1880s)
Spindle (1530s)
As good as ever twanged (1670s)
Gaying Instrument (1810s)
Beef Torpedo (1980s)
and last but not least, the first recorded use of the word Schlong, which was in 1865 CE. Tag yourself, I’m Nimble Wimble
And are the lovely ladies feeling left out? not to worry! Johnathon’s got you covered, gals, because he also made one for vaginas. Highlights:
Mrs. Fubb’s Parlor (1820s)
Poontang (1950s)
Spunk Box (1720s)
Ringerangroo (1930s)
Ineffable (1890s)
Itching Jenny (1890s)
Carnal Mantrap (1890s - a busy decade apparently)
Bookbinder’s Wife (1760s)
Rough Malkin (1530s)
Socket (1460s)
and a personal favorite, crinkum-crankum, circa approximately 1670.
