The Pipe Ladies from Vesicare commercials
I hate steven king so much. why did he make me learn a new slur….
this has got to be THE funniest sentence ive seen all day im gonna cry
Me getting my name called to get my order at Starbucks
(via iampikachuhearmeroar)
i wanna be emaciated / i wanna hear one song without thinking of you / i wish i was on a spaceship / just me and my dog and an impossible view
(via gayhaircut)
mittens are a great option if you want to buy gloves for someone but don’t know how many fingers they have
sphinx: i have four legs in the morning, two at lunch time, and three at night time. what am i. me: a moron… lazy ass. leg bitch. fuck off
to join our gang you have to be able to recite the alphabet without singing the song
donkey kong being a villain in industrial settings and a hero in jungle settings is a perfect illustration of what the unabomber was talking about
it’s considered bad luck to reach for a police officer’s service weapon
my phone is a greedy little piggy for wifi. it’s disgusting. it loves wifi. sick and revolting
“there’s no reason why bags of shredded parmesan need to be smaller on average than bags of shredded cheddar” bullshit. the parmesan is more intense and thus more dangerous. dosage needs to be controlled.
i hate to be buried in debris… but i love to be pulled from the wreckage! i really am just that bitch!